But I don't think I need you

I'm fucking too tired to wait and think. I just wanna have a peaceful mind for now. I don't wanna think about you. Nakakapagod! Pagod na pagod na ako. I don't think I can really handle this situation. Nakakasawa. Gusto ko ng bago. Ayoko ng palaging ganito. Parang walang nangyayaring maganda. Lagi na lang nga-nga! Naiinis ako. I'm not that strong. Kung pwede nga lang lagpasan tong phase na toh and move on to the future.  Hindi na siya kasama sa future ko kasi I'm thinking na hindi din naman magiging kami. Because I want a life away from the Philippines. I want a life abroad not here in this fcuking goddamn country. Ayoko na siyang isama tutal in the first place HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO MEET HIS PARENTS. Ano pang aasahan ko di ba? Yun pa lang dun mo na makikita na HINDI KA "BELONG". So why will I make him part of my future. Kung ano na lang siguro yung meron ngayon yun na lang muna hanggang sa matapos. I don't wanna dream anymore of having family, kids, career, marriage with him. Dati yun yung gusto ko ngayon I JUST WANT IT TO BE MYSELF AND MY FAMILY. Hindi siya kasali. I WANT HIM OUTCAST OF THE CIRCLE. It's been a month since we last talked. Anong nangyari? Sabi niya December nandito na siya, eh last week na ng year, hanggang ngayon wala pa din siya. Bull* Hindi sa excited ako, napapagod lang kasi ako kakaisip kung saang lupalop na ba siya nandun. Oo, nagbigay ako ng allowance kung hanggang saan yung kakayanin ko pero ngayon I really can say that I want to give up coz I'm fucking too tired.